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Zombie Apocalypse – Where NOT To Hide In Casper

Michael Loccisano, Getty Images

Judging by recent news coverage, it seems as though the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us. While the majority of the ‘attacks’ are taking place in bigger cities, such as Miami, it’s only a matter of time before the wave of the undead hits Casper. So, for your benefit, we have compiled a list of the five worst places to hide in Casper, should a Zombie attack happen.

#5- Verda James, Sagewood, Paradise Valley, or Any Other Elementary School

I know, I know. It seems like a good idea. There are a million rooms in these schools, there’s open gyms and cafaterias, etc. But what you don’t know is that when you’re hiding in Mrs. Sego’s English class, thinking that you’re safe, Mrs. Sego herself is going to come out of the closet and tear into your neck. She may possibly have been the sweetest teacher ever, but now she’s a bloodthirsty Zombie who is hell-bent on eating you.

#4- Rialto or America Movie Theatre

As a high school student, I worked possibly the greatest job anyone could ever work- I worked at the movie theatres. This job rocked- free popcorn, free movies, I got to meet a lot of people, it was perfect. Except on those nights when I was working alone, and had to go up into the attic to get supplies. Then the perfect job became a nightmare from hell. There is nothing worse than being in an old building at night when you’re all alone…unless of course there is a Zombie waiting for you behind the Reese’s box. That’d be way worse. So my suggestion is to not ever hide in a movie theatre. You think it’s a good idea cause you’re in an open area with a lot of seats between you and the newly-zombified Mike Ito. But before you know it you’re being chased upstairs, into the attic, where you  now not only have to deal with ‘ZombIto,’ but also whatever ghosts may exist in one of these historical buildings. You’re SOL buddy.

#3- Washington Park, City Park, Mike Sedar, or Any Other Park

Again, you think open areas are your friend. They’re not. They’ll give you a false sense of security because you don’t think you’ll get cornered. This is all fine and good, but usually Zombies travel in packs. The last thing you want is to be in an open area with the majority of your former city council crowding around you. Then you make the mistake of climbing onto the playground equipment and before you know it, Mayor Schlager  is coming at you from a slide and you have nowhere to go but down, into the waiting arms of hungry Zombies.

#2- Crimson Dawn

This almost falls into the Park Category, but we felt as though we needed to specify. Crimson Dawn, for years, has had somewhat of an unfair label as being ‘scary.’ Yes, there have been some weird things that have happened there but when Neal Forsling made Crimson Dawn her home, and opened it up to the public, it was to enchant people, not frighten them. That being said, could there be a more terrifying place to be during a Zombie Apocalypse? No, there couldn’t  be. It’s hard to describe, but there is some sort of…magic…that exists at Crimson Dawn. Luckily, it’s the good kind. But you don’t want to be in the dark woods with Zombies and magic, because you never know what types of other ‘magic’ can be conjured up.

#1- Eastridge Mall

Do we even need to say this one? If you know anything about Zombie lore, you’ll remember Dawn Of The Dead, George Romero’s follow-up to the classic Night Of The Living Dead. In this film, survivors of the Apocalypse hole up in, you guessed it, a mall. If you haven’t seen the movie…it didn’t work out too well for them. Lots of people died. And while it may seem like a good idea to hide at the Flaming Wok, or Journeys, it’s not. Because eventually, they will come for you. They will find you. And they will eat you.

 

If you’re like me, and are not scared of Zombies at all, and want to see what your neighbors would actually look like as Zombies, be sure to come to the 5k Zombie Walk in Casper, this September.

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