Top Five ‘Missed Connections’ Of the Month in Wyoming

It's time once again for our monthly roundup of lonely singles desperately looking for companionship on the Wyoming Craigslist page. Here's the Top 5 Missed Connections of the month.

1. Looking for a Little Person in Wheatland

I'm looking for a little woman. I've never been with a little woman and would like to try it. For those who don't know what that is, I don't like the words dwarf or midget, I prefer little woman. Also, I would like to find a breastfeeding mother that would feed me, on occasion. 

2. Gorgeous School Bus Driver in Cheyenne

I saw you walk into the store as I was waiting for my change. I guessed you were a school bus driver. I had to wait for ya to come out cuz I was so attracted to you and had to see your sexy self one more time before I got back to work. There you were walking to the bus. Awesome! That is one sexy lil lady !! You saw me parked as you pulled out on to Ridge Road. If you get this and would like to meet, give me a reply please. Have a great day, gorgeous!

3. White Trash Bed Wetter Finds True Love at Safeway (City Unknown)

Goodness gracious how cute you were, you brought a ray of sunshine into the bleak Sunday morning and I commend you for it. Let me set the stage. 

Me: Epic beard. Rocking the hillbilly pajamas because I come from only the purest of white garbage.106 year old Vans sneakers that used to be black and white but have morphed into an indistinguishable mishmash that resembles black mold in a derelict housing project. I have what appear to be prison tattoos on my arm and legs, but in reality I squirm and cry when getting inked, which affects the quality of artwork. 

You: High top cowgirl boots, painted on jeans, two coats I believe. And a red sweatshirt, I'm illiterate so I don't know what it said on it, but in the spirit of hope I'll guess it said "I'm only into guys with beards who still wet the bed deep into their 20's". 

I pull into Safeway and park in the Deli parking space, because I make my own rules. Then you pull in next to me in your apocalypse-approved Jeep. You were gorgeous, with deep set eyes and dressed like you were out battling crime all night, with a swagger that made me utter an internal "daaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn". I took my place behind you on the way into the store, just waiting for the inevitable "are you following me?" Which is usually the reaction I usually get from people. But alas, I paid for my Heinz Extra Fancy (because let's face it, I'm a pretty big deal) and left the store with nary a glance from you. So, long story short, if you see this......cool Jeep.

4. The Flag Girl in Yellowstone

There is construction going on in the park between Mammoth and Norris. You were the flag girl in the middle of the road work. There were a total of three flag people. One on each end of the road work area and then you, right at the halfway point. I saw you as I was going through towards Norris and you may have noticed that I was checking you out and then again on my way out where you also paid some extra attention at looking at me :). I looked in my driver side mirror and noticed that you continued to watch as I drove away. Anyways, I think there was an attraction between us and would love to talk with you more. Also, I think you drove a grey truck since it was parked near you. I wish I could have pulled over to tell you how I was unable to keep my eyes off of you, but then I would have been obstructing traffic. So anyways, I hope you read these or hear about it and get back to me.

5. Just Because I Purchased a Knife From You (and Stalked You at Work), That Doesn't Mean I'm Creepy (Casper)

I was staying in Casper, Wyoming, for work. I would go to Walmart everyday just to see you. You would work next to the auto supplies and hunting equipment. You had a nose piercing, brown hair, a few tattoos; I think one on your wrist. I also purchased a knife from you. If you're reading this, please contact me. I couldn't stop thinking about you when I left. If anyone knows this girl, please let her know.

There you have it, another action packed month of romance on the Wyoming craigslist page, complete with little people, sexy school bus drivers, adult bed wetters, knife wielding weirdos and the flag girl in Yellowstone.

Join us again next month for another thrilling episode of the 'Top Five Missed Connections of the Month' in Wyoming. In the meantime, here's one more for the road.

Jerk Alert in Cheyenne

You're a coward. You cheated on your ex-wife regularly and with more than just one woman. You cheat on your current wife and, although I'm not sure you're cheating on her with multiple women, I know there's at least one for sure. You care nothing for women in general. You've proven that time and again by the way you treat not just me, but all of us. You use people and don't care how your actions affect anyone else. You lie to everyone, especially those you're supposed to have a close relationship with. I think you lie to yourself too, but to a lesser extent than those in your life. You are a selfish, cruel, calculating, and manipulative person. I have never meet someone as devoid in their practice or understanding of honor, duty, sincerity, honesty, loyalty, integrity and respect. You care nothing for these things. You don't even seem to respect them. You are a morally bankrupt SOB. I hope you die of gonorrhea and rot in hell--you miserable pile of human garbage.

Ouch, as the old saying goes, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.