dumb criminals

Jamie Craft of Jonesboro, Arkansas has herself quite a Tuesday. The 28-year old kicked of her midweek adventure by getting good and drunk and crashing her Trans Am into the side of a mobile home. Mind you this was a proper, adult sized Trans Am, which becomes important later in this tale and also made what she did a pretty serious crime.

There is just something about fast food that makes people abuse 911. In the past, folks have been arrested after calling emergency services to report problems with their orders at Burger King, McDonald's, Subway and Hardee's.

Police in the Cayman Islands are on the look out for a local woman's tooth. They may well find it still stuck in the hand of the man who "stole" it from her.

James Edward Welborn Jr. probably didn't have primate theft on his mind when he broke into Julie Harris's home in Mobile, Alabama.

Left on her own without legal representation, this girl (who was awaiting arraignment for a first arrest) was in over her head. It probably also didn't help that she didn't get the sobering reality of being physically present in court to knock some sense into her, since this is a video arraignment taking place from jail, where she is nervous and surrounded by other inmates. Oh, and it doesn't help

Three thieves wanted to knock over a small shop in the Columbian village of Juan de Acosta. For their getaway, they enlisted the services of a donkey.

Charles Ross has been caught with his pants down because his victims were caught with their pants up. Way up.

As any thief worth his salt knows, a clean getaway is absolutely essential. Well, a South Carolina teen recently botched a robbery in a big way after police followed a trail of Cheetos right to his front door. (While that's not the thief pictured above, authorities should still be on the lookout for a hungry cheetah in human clothing.)

Maybe Subway is stepping up their game a tad. They've made it abundantly clear that they now have avocados and sriracha sauce, and they will NOT be putting ketchup on anybody's sandwich. At all. They don't even have ketchup, and one employee was willing to fight to prove it. They don't call them sandwich artists for nothing.

The clerk at the Sheridan Mini Mart in East Bremerton, Washington probably isn't the world's greatest employee. In fact, when a woman came into the store at 10 PM Thursday night the slacker-in-question wouldn't stop talking on his phone as she tried to grab his attention. His conversation was so engrossing that he didn't even care that she had a gun.

It turns out to make it onto a list of the dumbest criminals, you have to actually be pretty dumb. Granted, we can't all be masterminds, but it probably doesn't take much to know you shouldn't make a YouTube video boasting about the bank you just robbed. Or tweet about punching a guy in the face. Nor should you get into a fist fight over a piece of birthday cake.

You've surely heard of highway robbery? It turns out that driveway robbery is also a thing (a very, very literal thing).