You know when Judge Judy gets all angry and yells at a defendant for his inability to take care of the six kids he has with seven different women? Well, this story is so much better than that.

A judge in Ohio’s Lorain County has ordered a fella by the name of Asim Taylor to stop having children for the next five years while he remains on probation for failing to pay child support to the four kids he already has.

How much does Taylor owe? Well, with a debt of $96,000, let’s just say he probably hasn’t been this deep in the hole since the night his fourth kid was conceived.

Judge James Walther laid down the law by telling the 35-year-old Taylor, “I put this condition on for one reason and one reason alone. It’s your personal responsibility to pay for these kids.”

Taylor’s lawyer, the esteemed Doug Merrill, was none too pleased with the ruling, telling the judge the only way his client can reasonably avoid unleashing upon the world more of his DNA is by taking a step that has, to date, only worked for Trekkies: abstaining from sex.

We don’t know how ‘L.A. Law’-inspired a speech Merrill delivered, but Walther was hardly wooed like Taylor's baby mommas because he promised to lock Taylor up for a year in the slammer if he violates terms of his probation, where we can bet his cellmate will make sure Taylor continues to avoid the whole abstinence thing.

Merrill plans to appeal the decision, citing an earlier case in Ohio, which makes us wonder why are there so many deadbeat dads roaming around the state. Can the people of Ohio blame LeBron for that?

After the hearing, Taylor tried to plead his case, but instead wound up offering the best quotation of 2013 so far:

"I take care of my children. I just don’t pay them through child support.”

Oh, boy, would Judge Judy have a field day with that line.