Adidas and Google revealed a new talking sneaker prototype at the South by Southwest conference in Austin, Texas last weekend. The motion-sensing kicks feature a speaker on the tongue that can make commands, give encouragement and post online status updates based on what the wearer is — or isn't — doing while wearing the shoes. 

Unfortunately, Google and Adidas don't plan to actually release these sneakers. The brainy people at both companies just thought it was a cool way to show how technology can connect the human body with the online world.

The shoes also include an accelerometer, gyroscope and Bluetooth connectivity to your Smartphone and whichever health-related apps you might want. The sneakers store up to 250 pre-recorded motivational phrases or criticisms. As you can hear in the video above, it can also talk smack while you are playing basketball, which will most certainly get you beaten up at some point.

You need these sneakers because your life wouldn't be complete without a stilted, snide voice telling you — and everyone else — all about what you're doing. Why not just find some snarky blogger and tie them to your feet? Or is that still considered illegal?

Maybe let us decide when we're ready to become cyborgs.