I (or "Number Nine", as the scientists at Playing Creator Labs referred to me) was born as part of a government program aimed at creating super humans that would one day bring about the destruction of all living beings with more than 4 legs, take humanity to a new era called "The Equestrian Enoch", and cook the perfect omelet. While the program was ultimately a failure, I escaped the cruel dis-figuration of my fellow test subjects (including Charlie Sheen, Miley Cyrus, Dave Grohl, etc.), was adopted by a tribe of half-men, half-women in northern Washington, living out a quiet existence in their complex system of caves and tunnels. That was, until recently, when in a fit of brilliance, I took Pi to its final digit. Astounded by my discovery, the mathematical community appointed me “King of Nerds,” and I toured the world writing out my theorem on chalkboards for heads of state, royalty, and Cher. Tired of the fast paced life of a mathematics god, I chose to join the media world, where I work today. As you were reading this paragraph, I counted to infinity twice.